Is It Ever Okay to Quit?

If I asked you to tell me a popular saying about quitting, I’d bet my bottom dollar you would immediately bring up a quote about why quitting is wrong. The American adage “Winners never quit and quitters never win” is almost 100 years old and is usually attributed to Vince Lombardi. It’s an accurate summary of our attitude toward quitting. Teachers, pastors, and well-meaning influences have espoused this idea all throughout our lives. Even in the workforce, employees quickly learn that those who are ready to give up on projects or quit just aren’t going to make it as far. Quitting is for losers, failures, and people who won’t really succeed in life. It seems like it just won’t ever be a good idea to quit.

But, really—quitting is one of the most important things you can learn to do.

I sound ridiculous, I know. I’m here teaching people how to grab life by the horns and take control of their own success. How can I say calling it quits is going to be a good idea for anyone? Even though we’ve been relentlessly drilled with the idea that giving up should be the last possible resort, it isn’t true. There will be several occasions in your life when quitting is actually the best choice. In a culture that values independence and tenacity, quitting feels like a serious kind of self-inflicted failure. And sometimes, you do have to abandon something because you failed at it. But that’s ok.

You aren’t going to be the best at everything. This can be really difficult to admit but some things just don’t fit right. You may love the idea of being a pastry chef but find yourself constantly burning, overmixing, or crumbling anything you touch. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting to apply yourself to something but it hurts personally when practice doesn’t bring any improvement. What’s harder for us to be comfortable with—and also totally necessary for growth—is accepting that we aren’t going to improve and moving on. Learning how to recognize it will make it much easier to let go.

We also worry about the time we’ve already put into something. It gets much harder for us to break free and move on when we’ve got hours, days, or weeks into training, preparing, or practicing. You may feel like letting it go in your gut but look at all the hard work, money, and time that’s already gone into it and wonder if it won’t all come together if you work just a little bit harder. This happens at work or school, working on projects or pursuing a new career option. But this also happens in our personal lives—hobbies, personal relationships, and financial decisions. It can feel like you have to see it through no matter what because you’ve already put so much into it. Economists refer to this as the “sunk cost” fallacy and it will seriously impair your thinking on important matters.

The Freakonomics podcast has a fantastic episode on the value of quitting in different situations where they explore this fallacy in more depth. A “sunk cost” in economics is something that you’ve already spent. It includes money, of course, but also time, resources, and any other factors that make something more expensive. Conversely, “opportunity cost” is how much you might miss out on by putting your energy into something different. Say you’re running an ice cream stand but dream of being a ballet dancer. You’ve already sunk costs into your ice cream stand and have already spent your time getting pretty darn good at slinging cones. Going to ballet class would cost real dollars because that’s time you can’t spend selling ice cream and instruction costs money. But the “opportunity cost” here is actually what you’re giving up by avoiding your ballet dreams and putting your time into a dream you aren’t passionate about. Ice cream is great and makes people happy but is it worth spending all of your opportunity on?

When you look at “sunk cost” in your job or your relationships, it seems like all the time and effort make seeing these things through worthwhile. But when you cling to things that leave you unsatisfied, you’re spending valuable opportunity. This is when you need to start critically evaluating whether you need to quit or stick it out. I’m not recommending that you take the opportunity to wholesale abandon everything in your life that’s gotten a little bit difficult. So, how can you tell if it’s time to let go? Here are some objective ways to measure whether or not giving up is going to be your best choice.

Do you still enjoy it? Start with the simplest and the most basic question about an activity. If it brings you joy, it’s almost definitely worth keeping around. However, if you’re questioning its necessity in your life, the answer to this question is probably a resounding “No.”

Is this hurting others around you? Run a quick cost-benefit check to really get critical in your thinking. Maybe your long hours or frequent travel are keeping you away from your family. Maybe your job leaves you frustrated and irritable so you can’t talk to anyone after a difficult day. Maybe your hobby is costing way too much money. Take a hard look at what impact this is having on the people around you and ask yourself if it’s truly worth it.

Are you only doing it for others? It feels nice to get approval or be recognized for things you’re good at. But there needs to be some level of internal motivation. Putting other people before yourself can feel good (which is why service is so important). But letting others be more important than yourself in guiding your future or allocating your personal resources will sap the enjoyment from your life. If you aren’t doing something for yourself, it’s probably not worth what it’s costing you. Consider giving it up.

Are you only doing it because of what you’ve invested? The sunk cost fallacy is real. Don’t let it keep you from understanding the full picture.

Can you give it your everything? When things inspire passion, it’s much easier to put in the long hours or the hard work to really see it through. As the enthusiasm fades, we start looking for ways to cut corners and put in less than our best. If you’re giving it everything you can and you still aren’t making progress, it’s time to quit. If you can’t give it everything, figure out if you need to re-prioritize this so you can put more into it or if you need to let it go altogether.

Are you afraid of one outcome or another? Part of possessing your success is pushing past the fear that builds up in your heart. Never let fear keep you from picking the right path. Instead, use the fear to start a conversation with yourself about the best place to go.

When you pursue something that really matters to you, it’s not going to be easy. There isn’t anything in life worth having that falls into your lap. Perseverance is an important part of moving forward in things you really love. There isn’t any success in giving up after the first obstacle. But taking an objective approach will keep you grounded and help you make better decisions about how to best spend your time.

Remember, giving up is never the answer… unless it is.