Inspiration in Times of Death and Grieving

Death… wow.

Everyone at some point has to face death. Whether it’s your time to pass on or you lose someone dearest to you, it’s unfortunately inevitable. We all must go through this melancholy process and dealing with the fallout can be extremely difficult.

It seems there have been so many horrible deaths lately. And many it seems could have been avoided. Some, like the Ferguson and South Carolina shootings, had not-so-subtle racial overtones. On the other hand, some were almost random in nature, from the Colorado movie theater massacre to the Boston Marathon bombing. Senseless is the one word that comes to mind in all of these tragedies.

I’ve even had to face the effects of mortality in my personal life.  Just a week from Friday, I lost an uncle to poor health and just earlier that week my grandmother went under the knife for at least her third major surgery in as many years. She fortunately is still with us, recuperating in a physical therapy center, but I just can’t keep from wondering how many more surgeries her body can handle.

Suffice to say, these emotional, tragic events have really made me dwell on how death affects us and how to process it. I mourn for Michael Brown. I mourn for Eric Garner. I even mourn for the Boston Marathon victims. I especially mourn for the nine members of Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church who were gunned down as they held bible study; that hit pretty close to home. Even though I have no connection to those involved, I still find myself mourning. I just keep thinking, “That could have been me. That could have been anyone…”

I also began to think of the emotional, financial, and other costs of one’s passing. First, there’s the time cost of death. You have to plan funeral arrangements. You have to sort out the paperwork and legal matters concerning the passing. You have to take time to grieve and come to terms with the death. All of these demanding activities use up a lot of your most precious commodity: time. Second, it seems that happiness is sucked away when one passes and you are left with stress, anger, disbelief, grief, depression, and a host of other emotions that leave you a shell of what you once were. Life becomes an emotional roller coaster and it makes you sick, but you’re forced to come along for the ride. And then there’s the financial cost of one’s passing. A funeral can cost you upwards of $10,000. I don’t know about you, but that to me is a lot of money for an unexpected emergency. And let’s not forget the loss of income and productivity that comes along with the individual’s demise. Once you begin to count the costs, their loss of life becomes a huge loss for everyone involved with that person.

You can’t even rush the process, either. Like I just stated, it just takes time. It takes time to heal, grow, and move on with your life, to bury the pain deep inside, even though the wounds are still very real and fresh, months after the tragic event. It is really an agonizing process, and it could make you feel like life is not worth living. However, I have come to realize that it is in these very moments that in order to pull yourself out of it, you must revisit, rediscover, or redefine your purpose on this earth.

Let me tell you the story of Cole Hatter, millionaire entrepreneur, real estate investor, and speaker. When I tell you this man has been through hell and back, I certainly mean it. He first lost his best friend after they were both violently ejected from his best friend’s 4Runner in a lethal, 80 mph car accident. Lucky to have even survived such a crash, he quickly fell into a spiral of guilt, anger and depression. His other friend, the only other survivor of the horrific crash, attempted to lift his spirits by taking him out dirt biking, but as they were joyriding around the desert, the companions streaked up a hill that led to an abandoned, 700-foot deep mineshaft! Upon his descent, Cole quite astonishingly managed to cling onto a bush about the size of a wastebasket for survival, again cheating death. His friend was not so fortunate. So in about two months’ time, Cole Hatter not only survived two freak events that should have killed him, also lost two best friends because of them.

At this point, it would be easy for anyone to throw in the towel, to blame themselves for their friends’ death, or to self-medicate themselves to death. And so not surprisingly, Cole began to do just that. However, one day, after cursing out God and futilely demanding that he take his friends’ place, he discovered something that would change the course of his life forever: his purpose.

He realized that he was never going to get his friends back. But he also knew that he could make his friends’ lives matter. It was up to Cole to live the most impactful life he could to honor them, so that’s what he did. He made millions in real estate, became an exceptional motivational speaker, and made all of his endeavors “for-purpose”, giving a percentage of his profits to charity. In essence, he found a way to 1) improve his quality of life, 2) provide hope and care to those in need, and 3) honor his friends in the process.

Listen, we have such limited time on this earth, and through the death of others we often realize how short and precious that time is. It is a race against the clock, and it is up to us to make the most of life. Rest assured, I have made it my mission to leave this world better than I find it.

You should too… while you still have time.