A New Lawnmower and a New Perspective on Fathers

It was yet another reminder of the impact of a father on a child’s life… in both good ways and bad.

A couple of weekends ago, my dad was in town to help me celebrate my and my wife’s housewarming party. We decided to head down to the local Home Depot (now my “favorite” store as a homeowner) to purchase some lawn-mowing equipment. Neither my father nor I knew much about lawnmowers, but after some assistance from some helpful employees, we picked out a Toro mower and a Black & Decker edger. As we were walking out of the aisle, we ran into a man and his daughter who were looking for some insecticides. He took one look at the Black & Decker edger and promptly led us to a much better Ryobi edger, as he had some bad experiences with our previous choice. After that, we made some small talk, and he shared something with me and my dad that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life.

“Wow, it’s great to see a father and son spending time together,” he said, with a somber smile and a tinge of pain in his eyes. “I wish I could share that with my father, who unfortunately passed away a year ago.” Then he began to share with us his story.

It was a deeply heartbreaking story about how the man’s father rejected and ridiculed him growing up, calling him a failure and disapproving of his life decisions every chance he got. Through his shaky voice, he recounted the various abuses he’d received over the years. With clenched fists, he explained how his father cut him off when he married his wife, and shunned the two despite constant attempts by the wife to reconnect them. In between tears, he told us that the father, a proud atheist, laughed at his son’s decision to develop a personal relationship with God and join a Jehovah’s Witness ministry. As the man tried to comfort his father after he got sick, he continually pushed the man away. In fact, one of the final things the father said to his belittled son was this: “If you ever amount to anything in this world, if you are ever right about anything, it will be because of luck and nothing more.”

Upon hearing his story a lump began to form in my throat. My heart went out to the man, because although my dad and I have had some rough times together, he has also been an invaluable part of my life and if nothing else, we can at least spend time together at The Home Depot on a Saturday morning. With this man, even if it were possible, it would never happen. At least he appeared resolved to make things different with his daughter. “I’m determined not to let my relationship with my father ruin the bond I share with my daughter. My father taught me what NOT to do, and I’m not going to make his same mistakes.”

In listening to the man’s experience, I came away with a few takeaways. First, it reaffirmed my appreciation for my dad and how he’s been able to guide me through the years. I know I wouldn’t be as financially-minded or poised to succeed without him. He influenced my decisions on my career path as well as supported me throughout college. Heck, I wouldn’t even have the home I have now without him.

Second, it made me realize just how important it is to have a positive male role model in a child’s life. I could only imagine the pain and anguish the man has in his heart, and how it may have unintentionally spilled over into other facets of his life. A father’s role is to build up and guide his children, not to tear them down or spurn them. That dad missed a great opportunity to make his and his son’s life much happier, but instead decided to ruin them out of bitterness and spite.

Third, I now understand I must be careful about what I say or do to my future children. The power I have can create or destroy generations, and must be used wisely. Like the son here who has since become a father, I too must try and avoid the mistakes of my father and be the best father that I can be. I firmly believe that we must know better and do better than our previous generations in order to give our kids the best chance at success.

I’m so glad my dad and I had this chance encounter with the man. I walked into The Home Depot looking for a lawnmower, but walked out with a brand new perspective.