My Failure 3/7 - Possess Your Success

A couple weeks ago I had a pretty big failure on my part. Around that time, I was working on an urgent issue that had to be completed ASAP. I had been working on the issue for almost a month, simply because every time I worked on it, the problem seemed to grow bigger and bigger. It was extremely frustrating! What started out as such a simple fix turned out to be such a complex issue that it was affecting multiple areas.

Anyway, I get to the day of the deadline. My manager assured me that this project needed to be done that day, and I was to stay until it got completed. I believe his exact words were, “So you know you’re not leaving here today until this issue is getting fixed, right? Just so we’re on the same page here…” “Yeah,” I answered. “I know.” So I began hammering away at the problem. I tried attacking it from every angle, and it seemed like every time I cleared one hurdle, there was another one waiting for me. It was an agonizing, arduous process.

I had originally planned to have a fix by 5:30 that day. Unfortunately, due to the size and complexity of the problem, it was taking longer. Much longer. 5:30 turned to 7:30, which turned to 9:30, which eventually turned to 11:30. And I still had not found a total fix.

One thing I take much pride in is the fact that I don’t quit on things. I hate leaving things unfinished, and once I set a goal I do whatever I can to complete it. When I don’t complete my objective I take it really, really hard. So when I looked at the clock, saw that I had worked 15 hours straight (without eating dinner), and ran into ANOTHER setback I could not get past at the moment, I really took it to heart. I was hungry, tired, and delirious. Alright, I said to myself. Today I must admit defeat. I sent an e-mail to my manager explaining the issue and assuring him I would be at work by 6am to complete the fix, and then I left, head hanging low and my tail between my legs.

I couldn’t explain to you how awful that feeling was. I failed! I did my best, but my best just wasn’t good enough! What will my manager think? He told me I couldn’t leave until I finished, and even though I’m sure he would understand my decision given the circumstances, I still did not finish what I had started. I had to quickly remind myself, however, that I did my best, and that was all I could do. I really leaned on God that night. I repeated the serenity prayer that went, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It consoled me enough to close my eyes that night knowing things would be okay.

Yeah, I finished the fix the next morning, and my manager was more than understanding about the situation the night before. But what I really gained from this experience was that I will fail sometimes. And sometimes I will have to know when to quit. Failure and quitting do not feel good at all, especially for me. But it is necessary for me to fail in order for me to succeed later on. I’ve been learning over the past few years that success is really just made up of a bunch of failures. In fact, life’s stumbling blocks are really the steps to success. I needed this failure not only to humble me, but to prepare myself for the next time I encounter a similar situation.

Next time I’ll be empowered to succeed where I failed before.