Should You Be Fully Independent?
As the Fourth of July weekend comes to a close and we have to go back to our regular schedules, many Americans start considering how valuable our freedoms really are.
We enjoy some privileges here that aren’t readily available in other countries. We’re also free to celebrate and do so with big barbecues, fireworks, and parties of friends and family. It’s a beautiful time where we remember the roots of our country and the liberty we’re able to express. We consider how fully independent our nation has been. But, when we examine our personal lives, we’re usually trying to make sure we aren’t overly reliant on others.
There’s a cultural idea of “bootstraps America” where we should all be able to fend for ourselves. From a young age, we learn that we need to be able to support ourselves financially, emotionally, and often physically. The trend only seems to be growing with social media accounts where people broadcast their monetary successes. But, is this the right approach? How independent do we need to be?
Before I get going on this rant, hear me out! I’m definitely not suggesting that you shouldn’t try to be independent in general. It feels good to be able to take care of yourself and it contributes to your sense of self-worth. You shouldn’t be totally dependent on someone else or get lazy. As an adult, your main goal is to be able to take care of your basic needs by yourself—food, shelter, electricity, water. Some sense of independence is essential.
What you don’t want to do is go overboard with it. This is the issue I see all the time. People try to hold up themselves, their coworkers, and their families without any outside support. They hit a breaking point and it can become dangerous. These people aren’t comfortable asking for help when they truly need it. There are three main issues that arise when someone has independence overload.
Flimsy Ego: A little bit of ego and pride isn’t a bad thing but a lot leads to trouble. When someone becomes fully independent, it’s definitely a boost to their sense of self-esteem. However, this can quickly turn negative when independence and ego are tied together. There are circumstances beyond your control and situations where you will need to ask for help. Your risk of failure greatly increases when you spread yourself thinly. You become stressed and overwhelmed but delegating anything feels like a personal failure. Don’t let your pride become your downfall.
Fear to Ask: An easily bruised ego makes asking for help feel impossible. Even if you know you need it desperately, it’s too difficult to pose the question. There’s definitely a fear of rejection that goes along with this, which everyone experiences to some extent. Asking for help makes our vulnerabilities known to other people. Even if you feel certain that they will help you, the dread of making your insecurities known can be enough to stop you from getting the help that’s truly necessary.
Alienating Loved Ones: In order to plunge ahead with full independence, it’s likely you’ll reject the help of others. You may do this multiple times, even some when you really need it. And, if you feel like you have to be totally independent in order to feel proud of yourself, there’s a good chance you aren’t nice when you say no. It probably won’t bother you too much at the time but when you’re about to hit your breaking point and are truly in need, they’re likely to remember.
It’s harder to lend your support to someone who’s given you the brush off before. Stubbornness isn’t really appreciated by most people. Refusing help isn’t always a bad thing but you should be careful about how you do it.
When you do ask for help, you might micromanage or hover too much, which often makes people regret having helped you initially. BIG No-No.
Again, I don’t mean to say independence is bad or that wanting it is wrong. That’s just not true. Everyone should strive for a level of independence. But, it’s important to be realistic about what you can sustain and where you could greatly benefit from the extra help. Don’t become too hardheaded or unwilling to seek people out.
When you see success, there’s a good chance of teamwork behind the sense. Even people who seem fully independent usually have friends and family, if not their own support staff, to keep them going. Our society wasn’t built on independence alone. It requires interdependence—from early colonists working together to build forts to modern communities banding together to clean up parks and public spaces—to be truly successful. Productive businesses have hundreds or thousands of employees at their disposal. Great families work together as a unit and keep each other’s goals in mind when planning.
Be a part of that proud tradition and don’t be afraid to ask for support when you need it. You never know what insight you might get when you ask someone for help so be sure to keep an open heart and mind—and be ready to lend a hand when someone needs you.
